Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
