Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
