Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
3pm strippers are depressing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
