Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
