i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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