Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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