my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
