Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
