I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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