I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
