maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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