Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
