I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
