you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
