did you get engaged???
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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