The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
