By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
