I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
