Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
