wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
