My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
