I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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