you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
