So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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