My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
