You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
