let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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