apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
