So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
