i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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