Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
