No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
