Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
