Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
