i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
