when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
