There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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