I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
