I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
