It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
