I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
