I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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