Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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