You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are two peas in an std pod
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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