She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
