Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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