If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
