i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
