READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
