I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
