Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
