there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize