i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
