its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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