Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
