The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
