Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
