Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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