In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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