Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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