I met the friendliest cop last night
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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